May 1 (2am)- Countdown to Life After AIESEC
Countdown to Life After AIESEC
Today seemed to be endless. I woke up very early and wrote a letter to AIESEC. Also, I had to prepare a letter of removing one LC based on the consensus of incoming and current MC. I had a Sunday lunch with my family as usual. Everything seemed normal except for the fact that my heart, just like last night, was still throbbing.
In the afternoon I hanged around with my 87 year old grandma and we went to church together. There I said a very solemn prayer. A thankful prayer and gratitude for making AIESEC part of my life.
Afterwards I met up with Roy another AIESECER, Coni my VPOGX, Ces another AIESECER. For more than one hour we played badminton. And then we had a good dinner together and Pedro (my finance officer) came and had me sign finance papers (God.. after Tropics incident I have started resenting signing any form of paper).. And he treated us for a karaoke night. We sang random songs like Since you’ve been gone, too much of Filipino love songs, one backstreetboys song and it’s my life of bon jovi. JM my MCVP regions sent SMS telling me that he is already drunk, and with this message “ fuck I am so drunk, goodbye to my 7 years in AIESEC I will miss you guys, I am getting emotional and drunk too”. I called him and he told me it was the trainees giving him loads of alcohol. He said he never felt emotional in his life since this moment. I told him to not start it, I mean, I do not want loneliness to swallow me whole. It is a new chapter in our lives. It should be exciting. J Coni and Ces are sleeping in my room now. For this whole week, I guess they have been sleeping over for 5 days. I guess for Coni, even without us exchanging thoughts about this whole bye bye thing, seeing each other, being close with one another, gives us sense of comfort and assurance that everything will be fine. It’s like me. Even though not telling my mother about how I truly feel still finds comfort in sleeping in the same room with her.
It is exactly 2 am now. Ces and Coni are sleeping in my room. I am officially an alumna of AIESEC. My quest towards becoming a real change agent begins at this hour. I am looking myself in the mirror now. And I see a better version of myself. I see a person seasoned by experience, strengthened by challenges, reengineered by AIESEC right in front of me. And I am really enjoying seeing this better version of me.
I guess, because of all the mishaps that happened during APXLDS, I am the easiest person to be judged now. Now there is a new topic for those people who didn’t believe in me. I am the sole MCP in the Philippines who spent 13 month office, (since term year has been moved). I spent total of 395 days as MCP with exactly 21 of which were in house arrest in Bohol. Removed 2 LCs, gave 3 LCs a brand new full membership and retained 2. I began with 7 MC members and ended with 4. I started with 865 USD MC Capital, now leaving the new term with 2392USD receivable, (supposedly 2500USD cash on bank which was given to APXLDS as part of debt recovery), 61% growth in total exchanges and the 1.4 Million disaster brought by APXLDS. My MC team has voluntarily informed the incoming MC that we will be delaying our discharge until such time that this mess is over. The whole APXLDS OC too, (majority of which are SNs) cannot go on their traineeships until this is over.
I am confident from deep within that I did whatever I can to resolve this APXLDS issue. I never left. I did not only stay, I even took the punishment. I missed my brother and sister’s birthday. My car is on loan right now, some family assets as well. I have lost the opportunity of joining the delegates in the post tour and saying bye bye to them. I have wasted 21 days, in one room waiting to be ransomed. I have been, the living collateral. It was a very humbling experience. Some people have cried for me. But I told them they should not, because I am still alive. I was asked how it feels like to be deprived of freedom. And my answer was, I don’t feel like I am not free. Freedom, at this point is a state of mind. I am in governance of my mind and my heart; both are free and cannot be sealed by four walls.
I am not a perfect MCP. Nobody is and nobody will be. But AIESEC made me become a better person. I cannot believe I am capable of having this kindness and unlimited patience. Now I don’t only think of myself. Actually I have already forgotten of thinking about myself.
I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as MCP who put heart in this organization. Who found meaning in every little thing she does.
I have always been a controversial person in AIESEC. I guess even up to my last day. But to all those people who have judged me, who will judge me, or judging me at this point- I forgive you. And I will respect your decision. But for once, think if you were in my position, what will you do, how will you handle the situation. You can always blame me for allowing things to happen. But if you were fooled by somebody you trusted so much, how will you feel? Which is worst? Be thankful this did not happen to you. I handled the situation in the best way that I could.
I have been broken hearted because of APXLDS. Because of the dishonesty and lack of demonstrating integrity. But I am not bitter. I will never be.
This challenge was given to me maybe because God thinks I can do it. And he knows it will bring me closer to Him- which eventually happened.
Today seemed to be endless. I woke up very early and wrote a letter to AIESEC. Also, I had to prepare a letter of removing one LC based on the consensus of incoming and current MC. I had a Sunday lunch with my family as usual. Everything seemed normal except for the fact that my heart, just like last night, was still throbbing.
In the afternoon I hanged around with my 87 year old grandma and we went to church together. There I said a very solemn prayer. A thankful prayer and gratitude for making AIESEC part of my life.
Afterwards I met up with Roy another AIESECER, Coni my VPOGX, Ces another AIESECER. For more than one hour we played badminton. And then we had a good dinner together and Pedro (my finance officer) came and had me sign finance papers (God.. after Tropics incident I have started resenting signing any form of paper).. And he treated us for a karaoke night. We sang random songs like Since you’ve been gone, too much of Filipino love songs, one backstreetboys song and it’s my life of bon jovi. JM my MCVP regions sent SMS telling me that he is already drunk, and with this message “ fuck I am so drunk, goodbye to my 7 years in AIESEC I will miss you guys, I am getting emotional and drunk too”. I called him and he told me it was the trainees giving him loads of alcohol. He said he never felt emotional in his life since this moment. I told him to not start it, I mean, I do not want loneliness to swallow me whole. It is a new chapter in our lives. It should be exciting. J Coni and Ces are sleeping in my room now. For this whole week, I guess they have been sleeping over for 5 days. I guess for Coni, even without us exchanging thoughts about this whole bye bye thing, seeing each other, being close with one another, gives us sense of comfort and assurance that everything will be fine. It’s like me. Even though not telling my mother about how I truly feel still finds comfort in sleeping in the same room with her.
It is exactly 2 am now. Ces and Coni are sleeping in my room. I am officially an alumna of AIESEC. My quest towards becoming a real change agent begins at this hour. I am looking myself in the mirror now. And I see a better version of myself. I see a person seasoned by experience, strengthened by challenges, reengineered by AIESEC right in front of me. And I am really enjoying seeing this better version of me.
I guess, because of all the mishaps that happened during APXLDS, I am the easiest person to be judged now. Now there is a new topic for those people who didn’t believe in me. I am the sole MCP in the Philippines who spent 13 month office, (since term year has been moved). I spent total of 395 days as MCP with exactly 21 of which were in house arrest in Bohol. Removed 2 LCs, gave 3 LCs a brand new full membership and retained 2. I began with 7 MC members and ended with 4. I started with 865 USD MC Capital, now leaving the new term with 2392USD receivable, (supposedly 2500USD cash on bank which was given to APXLDS as part of debt recovery), 61% growth in total exchanges and the 1.4 Million disaster brought by APXLDS. My MC team has voluntarily informed the incoming MC that we will be delaying our discharge until such time that this mess is over. The whole APXLDS OC too, (majority of which are SNs) cannot go on their traineeships until this is over.
I am confident from deep within that I did whatever I can to resolve this APXLDS issue. I never left. I did not only stay, I even took the punishment. I missed my brother and sister’s birthday. My car is on loan right now, some family assets as well. I have lost the opportunity of joining the delegates in the post tour and saying bye bye to them. I have wasted 21 days, in one room waiting to be ransomed. I have been, the living collateral. It was a very humbling experience. Some people have cried for me. But I told them they should not, because I am still alive. I was asked how it feels like to be deprived of freedom. And my answer was, I don’t feel like I am not free. Freedom, at this point is a state of mind. I am in governance of my mind and my heart; both are free and cannot be sealed by four walls.
I am not a perfect MCP. Nobody is and nobody will be. But AIESEC made me become a better person. I cannot believe I am capable of having this kindness and unlimited patience. Now I don’t only think of myself. Actually I have already forgotten of thinking about myself.
I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as MCP who put heart in this organization. Who found meaning in every little thing she does.
I have always been a controversial person in AIESEC. I guess even up to my last day. But to all those people who have judged me, who will judge me, or judging me at this point- I forgive you. And I will respect your decision. But for once, think if you were in my position, what will you do, how will you handle the situation. You can always blame me for allowing things to happen. But if you were fooled by somebody you trusted so much, how will you feel? Which is worst? Be thankful this did not happen to you. I handled the situation in the best way that I could.
I have been broken hearted because of APXLDS. Because of the dishonesty and lack of demonstrating integrity. But I am not bitter. I will never be.
This challenge was given to me maybe because God thinks I can do it. And he knows it will bring me closer to Him- which eventually happened.
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